"Learning to Speak Olympics"

Beijing's goal is to have 35% of its population English-ready by the time the Olympics roll around. NYT just put out a fun piece written by a Beijing-based English teacher about that goal's meager chances for "success." Among the more comical/alarming phrase books mentioned is "Olympic Security English," which addresses themes such as “Dissuading Foreigners From Excessive Drinking” and “How to Stop Illegal News Coverage" and introduces always-practical phrases like “Don’t pretend to be innocent!”

While I chafe at the book's construction of foreigners as an unruly bunch who need to be goaded into sobriety and self-censorship, I am tempted to wonder if a similarly spunky flair wouldn't actually improve my Chinese language textbooks and thereby increase my ability to hold an interest in them.

"Hey, you just blew a snot rocket onto my shoe! Don't pretend to be innocent!"

Memorable. Punchy. Useful.